This is My Story

Some people can pinpoint a specific day in their lives where they came to know Christ.  Here in the South, we call it "gettin' saved". For some of us it's like the flip of a light switch. Me...my life was set on a dimmer.  I honestly cannot remember a day in my life where I did not believe in God. I remember believing and feeling the presence of the Holy Spirit in my heart from a very young age. However, His light dimmed in and out of my life for a stretch of many years. And there were many years that I fell away and the switch was very near, if not in, the off position. But something big happened and the light no longer goes dim. This is my story...

It was a few years ago. I was 15 weeks pregnant. The pregnancy was a little unexpected. My husband and I had two beautiful little girls at 3 years and 6 months. But, we were so excited. Until...I went for a regular check up and the nurses couldn't find a heart beat. I stared at the unresponsive ultrasound screen and felt my heart fall slowly to the floor. It was so hard to understand. How? We had already made it through that worrisome period and everything was going as planned. And I had felt no change. How could this precious little being inside of me just stop being and I feel nothing? The miscarriage would require surgery. The whole process was truly heart wrenching. I felt that I walked around for many months with my heart drug behind me on the floor, just hanging by a tethered string.  And it was a heavy heart. I talked to no one. I mean not really talked. Not about what was really going on inside. I went about normal life, as we are expected to. On occasion,  I would bring it up to my husband. But, it wouldn't even scratch the surface. I just couldn't seem to go any deeper. I wouldn't even know what to say. There were no words.  No one could possibly understand. I was so torn up. I truly felt that I already knew this Child. I knew it was a little boy. I had seen his sweet face. But, it was all so abstract. Which was so hard to explain. How could I so quickly feel deep loss for a life that I knew so little of? And how could I know so little of it and love it so deeply? And why would God take it from me? I couldn't explain losing something that never existed in our earthly and physical world. So, how could I begin to talk about it. And I was so conflicted. I had two healthy and perfect children that I was so thankful for. Grieving for the child I didn't have, somehow, made it feel like I wasn't thankful enough for what I did have. I longed to mourn, but felt guilty in my mourning. I cried out in agony "Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer." (Psalm 61). Day after Day.  Month after month. You see, I wasn't mad at God. It might have been easier if I had been able to get mad. But, I couldn't muster up enough emotion to get angry  I just wanted to understand. I wanted to see the big picture. I needed to know that my loss meant something. That there was a purpose. I knew that I needed God, but He felt so unreachable. In every attempt to attend church I sobbed uncontrollably, and I couldn't face that. Then, one day I woke up and decided I was going to face it. I wasn't sure why, but something just told me that it was time. I anxiously applied the waterproof mascara, which I hoped would not form streams down my face. Streams that were proof of the river that I had been damning up for so long. Unbeknownst to me, the floodgates were about to open. God had chiseled a small crack in the damn. He had begun to set things in motion. That Sunday Worship service wasn't just any regular service. They were doing "Cardboard Testimonies". Basically, it's a series of people giving their testimony through a piece of cardboard and a permanent marker. They label one side of their cardboard with a few words to describe their burden and carry it on stage. They then flip it over to reveal what God transformed that burden into. This simple, yet creative, experience spoke volumes to me. These people were just like me. They looked normal like me. They hurt just like me. They were broken just like me. And they were healed. The damn broke. But it wasn't some huge explosion. It was a slow and steady stream from my eyes, overflowing from my heart. It was cool and refreshing. Peaceful. For the first time I felt at ease in my sorrow. The only person that could see my weeping was Jesus. It felt as if I was the only person in the room. Just me embracing the Holy Spirit. And as the water released I could see that small crack of light from the other side of the damn. 

I had found hope. Don't get me wrong, I didn't miraculously heal overnight. As I said before, my life operates on a dimmer switch. But, as I grew closer to God the light grew daily brighter. And as the the burden lightened, I could feel my heart slowly lift from the ground. Shortly after that service I stumbled across Isaiah 40:31 in the Bible. "but those who hope in the Lord

will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."(TNIV) I prayed this scripture daily and clung to it. It so embodied the feeling of my heart lifting up from the floor and taking flight. It is where this painting came from.

I have always been an artist, it is how my creator made me. And He knew that art would speak to me. Cardboard testimonies was just one of many healing moments, and people, that God would place in my walk. I began to serve in the very visual arts ministry that had spoken so strongly to me. And I began to use my hurt and healing and my gifts and talents to do for others what had been done for me. I was sharing hope and through that was glorifying God. That was the purpose and it was worth it. I am so thankful for it. Every painting I paint comes from this place. These are my "Cardboard Testimonies". Each one is a piece of my story, of my walk with Christ. This is just the beginning. There is much more that has been and will be. It is my prayer that my story and my art will speak to you and help you to find the hope that only God can give.

Prayer Trees

You might have seen my previous post with in-the-process photos of Prayer Trees commissioned by Asbury United Methodist Church. The trees are finished!  The Reign Forest Children's Ministry at Asbury UMC for preschool through Kindergarten wanted an interactive visual prayer wall for the children's sanctuary. Going along with the Reign Forest theme, the sanctuary is called the "Treehouse". What better visual than trees?

Prayer Tree 1

The trunk of the tree was hand-drawn and then cut out of steel for the use of magnets The circles are painted directly on the wall so that the trees look attractive when not in full use and for easy exchange in use of materials.

Prayer Tree 2

The black circles you see here, on top of the colored circles, are cut pieces of board painted with chalkboard paint.  At a later time, the goal is to be able to add extra circles for the use of different materials. For example, additional circles could have white board for the use of dry-erase markers and crayons, felt for felt stories, laminated paper products for post-its, and even mirrors. Children are given specific directives and guides for prayer. The use of different kinds of tools for expression enables them to be more creative.

For example, in the following scenario, it would help fuel the children's thought process to have a

mirror to see themselves in.

Scriptural focus:

Psalm 139:14 "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."

Directive: You are beautiful exactly the way that God made you! What has God made that you think is beautiful?

  

Carpet View

The circles can be removed from the wall and

taken down to the floor for the children to use

at their level.

I couldn't help but say some prayers over the tree and the children that would be using it. 

If you or your church might be interested in an interactive visual prayer wall, please leave a comment or contact me at thespiritorchard@gmail.com.

Branches of Blessings

I have been on a quest to find the meaning of trees. Trees are all over the bible. Starting with the creation of trees in Genesis all the way to the Tree of Life in Revelations.  They represent so many different things throughout scripture and in the context of our lives. At this moment in my life, God meant them for something very specific.

We have been deep into the carefree days of a steamy summer vacation.  Summer vacation always starts off wonderfully. At the end of a tiring school schedule we are so excited about being together in the lackadaisical days of summer.  Until the last few weeks, when the children are bored with life at home and our patience with each other seems to dwindle. I had really been struggling these past several weeks. Unfortunately that lack of schedule, which we were so excited about, has just translated to “undisciplined”. I have become undisciplined. That is what God was showing me this week. I have not been centering my life daily around God. Typically, I wake up early in the morning before the rest of the house is stirring and the chaos begins. I start my day in quiet time with the Lord and that is how it should be. Scripture says that we should give to God our first fruits.  I know this, and I know how rewarding it is when I am disciplined about it. More importantly God knows this, and so He has been pruning me.

The term lackadaisical actually means to lack life, spirit, or zest.  When we become undisciplined in seeking God this is what life is reduced to. Psalm 1 says ^“but whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and who meditates on his law day and night. That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither— whatever they do prospers.”  God intends for us to spend time digging deeper in His word. We are called to meditate on the scriptures not only so that we will be filled, but also so that we will become fruitful for the kingdom.

God paints for us a beautiful metaphor in Proverbs 3:13-18:

“[The Very Tree of Life] You're blessed when you meet Lady Wisdom, when you make friends with Madame Insight. She's worth far more than money in the bank; her friendship is better than a big salary. Her value exceeds all the trappings of wealth; nothing you could wish for holds a candle to her. With one hand she gives long life, with the other she confers recognition. Her manner is beautiful, her life wonderfully complete. She's the very Tree of Life to those who embrace her. Hold her tight—and be blessed!”

In my lack of discipline, my intention was to find a little extra rest. Although as the weeks passed I just found that I was more and more withered. God reminded me this week that my rest is in Him. God wants me to lean back into the Tree of Life and rest under its branches. It is there that I will truly find my blessings.

This is my challenge to you: Wake up daily to rest in the presence of the Lord. Lay under a tree, whether in your yard or at the park. Delight in its beauty. Draw from it. “Be humbly mindful of the root that keeps you lithe and green.” (Romans 11) and Be Blessed!

Trees in the Making

Prayer Tree 1

My week is full with Commission jobs this week. I always enjoy this because an assigned job brings a new challenge. Typically my art comes from first seeking the Lord and then creating. On commission jobs,  I start first with the vision and then have to find God in in the art. If I can find my connection to God in the task at hand, it always seems to flow more freely. The work is just so much more fruitful. Speaking of fruit... The task this week is Trees. I love trees! Hence the Orchard. The bible is full of scriptures that paint beautiful pictures of trees. And I just seem to feel a peace among them. I am not sure what God is trying to tell me through art this week, but I have been digging in to find it. I will let you know as soon as I know.

Prayer Tree 2

 The Prayer trees have been commissioned as an interactive prayer wall for the Reign Forest Children's Program  at Asbury United Methodist Church of Madison. I will fill you in on their full purpose when they have been completed.

Yoga Fire Word Tree Day 1

The Word Tree has been commissioned by Yoga Fire,  which is a Yoga and Health  Facility newly opening in Madison, Al.

Yoga Fire Word Tree Day 2

To Be Continued....

A Rose for Kate

A Rose for Kate

I am excited to share the story behind this painting with you. We are friends with a super sweet family that is in the process of adopting a little girl from China. If there was one thing that I could tell you to best describe this family, it's that They Love God!!!! Along their adoption journey, God gave them a beautiful sign of His love and provision... A Rose for Kate. 
I cannot begin to tell you how wonderful their story of the rose is. I simply would not do it justice. So I strongly encourage you to go to their blog and check out their story on your own.  It will be worth the read. I was very inspired. Hint: Grab a box of tissues before you do! 

 A Little One From Afar

 To view the "Rose post" scroll down to the post dated June 10th-titled "You have filled my heart with greater joy (Psalm 4:7)....welcome, Bethany Kate Wessel!"

(For some reason when I give the direct link, it does not load right... sorry)

So, many tissues later, I was inspired to paint this Rose for them. I wanted them to have a visual reminder of this sacred time in their lives.  Their story reminded me of how often God gives us so many little signs of His love and provision for us. Signs in our everyday,  that we don't even take notice to. Myself personally... I am usually so busy looking for this huge hit-me-over-the-head kind of blessing that I miss all of those little things. And often times the little blessings are the most glorious. So this rose painting will be my reminder to pay more attention to the daily blessings and assurances He gives me in my walk.

Army of Angels

A few weeks back, in a moment of fear, I turned to scripture and found comfort in Psalm 91:9-12

If you say, “The Lord is my refuge,”
and you make the Most High your dwelling, no harm will overtake you,
no disaster will come near your tent. 
For he will command his angels concerning you 
to guard you in all your ways;
they will lift you up in their hands,

This has always been one of my favorite verses. I pray it over my children most nights. How easy it is to forget the I am His child and that in his care no harm or disaster will overtake me. This painting is my Army of Angels. Painting it comforted me in a time of need. I hope it will bring the same comfort to you.

Army of Angels

 Acrylic on Plywood

24 x 24

$65